“Happy New Year”, his whisper through the crack in the door swiftly sucking me back from the realms of sleep drift-off as I cuddled 1x small human. It seemed a fitting way to start the new year: quiet, arms full of love, slightly confused by what was happening. I Crouching Tiger manoeuvred myself and Hidden Dragon laid down in his crib the not-really-that-tiny-anymore zipped up bundle that 2020 had so graciously bestowed upon me, before, well you know, going so 2020 on us all. “Happy New Year”, I smiled. Thank Heavens.
What I want from 2021
^to be perfectly honest, if we can get by without a mention of the word “unprecedented” I’ll be rejoicing. (Good gracious world, find a new word).
My core aim for this year is simple: I want to be more intentional with my time. That’s it. Because whilst I could write a Bridget Jones-esque list of
- exercise more
- read more
- be a better parent
- be a better partner
- save democracy
- more pockets
these are but vague wants that for the most part will automatically benefit from a more ruthless and focused approach to how I am choosing to spend my most valuable commodity. Although democracy-saving may be a bit trickier. And the pocket thing really shouldn’t still be an issue, omg, can girls please just have more pockets.
I’ve found I’m a far better everything when I make the time to focus solely on that facet at hand. I’m a better parent when the time I spend with Sawyer is intentionally focused on him, not half trying to do something else. I’m a better partner when I can pay my other half the attention he needs, actively listen to him, hang out with him, not just ships passing in the night (which can be so easy especially when tag-teaming parental duties). If I want to do those things well, then I need to make focused time for work/work prep that’s not the same time as hanging out with either of them ideally. Time to write makes me happy and is good for my soul, that’s important, I’m going to make time for it. I also feel ‘intentionally’ doesn’t need to mean ‘busy’ or ‘productive’ – I’ve starting lighting candles in these early, dark winter mornings and enjoying a cup of coffee as the day breaks. It’s not rushed, it’s slow and delightful. I’m also very slowly learning to say “no” instead of just feeling pressured to make other people happy. It’s a balance – they’re important, but so am I. I’ve only “found the time” to sit here and write this because I said “No Mom, I can’t phone right now, I’m writing” and “No, I don’t feel like coming to the pub right now but take Sawyer and I’ll join when I’m done”.
I’m done now, and I can’t wait to join.
