The Joy of Eloping + Having a Big Celebration

Have your wedding cake and eat it

Covid19 has forced us to rethink, alter, amend all sorts of things. And for those tying the knot, I’m sure it makes you a little ragey inside that things haven’t gone to plan. Not a little bit. Not at all.

I got married twice. To the same wonderful human. Once quietly on top of a snow-covered mountain, with no stresses and no distractions, the world faded below as two souls joined. And once in sunshine, with exploding, chaotic joy – smiles, laughter, community and witness. They were both perfect. They were both incredibly meaningful. Don’t try make me choose between.

So in this weird world of 2020, if Covid has thwarted your best laid plans – I’m here to say you don’t just have to have one wedding day, and why that might just be the best thing ever.

We never planned to elope. Well, not originally. We had a Whistler ski holiday booked over Chinese New Year and that was exciting enough! Newly engaged and in the midst of changing visas I joked that it would just be easier to get married in Canada… “do you want to?” was the reply, “why, do you?”. Turns out it is very easy to get married in Canada, and Whistler is elopement heaven. Google let me in on the admin, Pinterest gave me all my One Snowy Day inspo and Skype let us get to know our minister (and he us!). And so began the most no stress, intimate and quietly focused wedding planning. A friend made me a satin skirt, we bought the material together in the fabric market of Sham Shui Po while the new jersey I wore was from Zara. On the day, I borrowed a poncho. The witnesses were old friends. I stared into the bluest of eyes.   

We wrote our own vows. We prayed surrounded by mountain majesty and the wind felt like God’s own breath. Our tears fell and merged into the snowy crunch beneath our feet. Away from the distracting city lights of Hong Kong, away from the pressures and expectations of home, we were just two souls being reminded what the true focus of our marriage would be – a partnership of promise to help each become our best selves; to support, to encourage, to grow together. Sometimes when my vision gets cloudy in the busy blur of day-to-day life, I try close my eyes and go back to that mountain and remind myself of the beautiful clarity I felt saying ‘I do’. 

Nothing about already being legally married dimmed our big wedding day – if anything, it just added to the happiness. Wedding planning can be so stressful, with everyone involved having their own ideas about what a perfect day should look like. There was something wonderful about having had this little part all to ourselves that no one could try change. It also set the tone for how we wanted to journey life together – that our decision-making would be intentional and right for us and not just “because that’s how people do it”.

In the lead up to our wedding:

• a church based pre-marital course (that would have been awkies if we changed our minds about each other!)
• bachelor/ette parties (to be honest, I had three – a story for another day but clearly I am not less is more about life).

During the celebration did we still do vows and a full ceremony in front of friends and family? You betcha.

As much as I love how intimate our elopement was, I am a really big of fan of public vow-making. Gathering together everyone whose opinion you do care about – the people you ask to hold you accountable in life – to witness the promises you are making. It is the highest form of community:

I’ve asked you here today to hear the things I am saying, be a witness to my word, and if you see me not living up to that word, remind me of things I have promised. 

And then followed the beautiful chaos that we are currently missing in these Covid times. The hugging and kissing and dancing and drinking and general unrestricted joy. I hope you get all of this, even if it means waiting a little longer for it. Maybe we’ll go to some incredible anniversary parties when this is all over, to be honest, I wouldn’t mind having one myself…